Error 404: Emotional Bandwidth Not Found

and other delusions of a professional peacekeeper

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you are not the emotional IT department for your friends.
You do not have to troubleshoot every glitch in someone else’s communication style.
You do not need to interpret Sharon’s vague “hmm” like it’s a sacred text.
You are not Moses. You’re just tired.

My toxic trait is thinking I can fix the group chat.
Not just smooth over a misunderstanding no, no.

I want to heal it.

I want to organize a brunch, a shared playlist, a seven-slide PDF on healthy conflict resolution and how emojis aren’t universal indicators of tone. (Yes, Sarah, I saw the skull emoji. What did it mean though??)

I’ve appointed myself the Minister of Emotional Stability in conversations I was barely participating in.
Just trying to hold the group together like it’s a middle school diorama and I’m running out of glue sticks and will to live.

But why?

Because somewhere along the way, I mistook being needed for being loved.

If I could just hold everyone together, keep the energy balanced, sense the mood before it dropped, cheer the sad one, validate the mad one, and interpret the cryptic meme someone sent instead of a real response—then I’d be safe. Then I’d be valuable.

Turns out?

That’s a full-time job. And it pays in exhaustion and resentment.

Meanwhile, everyone else is vibing.
Not spiraling over how long it took someone to heart their message. Not assigning moral value to silence. Not wondering if it’s their fault the chat’s been dead for two days.

So here’s my quiet little revolution:
I stopped fixing the group chat.

Let them squabble about dinner plans. Let the tension marinate. Let the silence stretch like a weird yoga pose no one wants to hold.
I don’t have to rescue the vibe.

Instead, I sit with the discomfort. I drink my water. I text my therapist a screenshot of someone’s reaction and say “growth???”

Because maybe I’m not a failure for not fixing it.
Maybe I’m just free.

Stay Weird. Love You. Mean It

-No Apologies, Just Stories